The Best Sex Toys For Women During Menopause | Stella
Sex & relationships
6 mins

What are the best sex toys for women during menopause?

byVeronica Kirby-Garton

Whether you’re into solo sex, mutual masturbation, or want to make sex more interesting, there’s no need to wear your fingers down to the bone when you can get a battery-operated helping hand instead. It can be tricky to know where to start looking for sex toys, or what will go easy on your body if you have menopause symptoms such as joint pain, vaginal discomfort, thinning skin, or dryness. Our guide includes the best sex toys during menopause and the best lubricants for menopause dryness.

See what treatments are right for you

What happens to arousal after menopause?

Your genitals change during menopause and as you age and this can cause:

  • Blood takes longer to reach your genitals – it may take longer to become aroused
  • Decreased sensitivity – it might take you longer to orgasm
  • Less natural lubrication – penetrative sex can be more uncomfortable
  • Pain during sex – vaginal walls become thinner and less elastic

Comfortable and fun sex during menopause is absolutely possible. Taking your time and engaging in sensual foreplay – fingers, hands, tongues, and lips – can help, as can lubricants and sex toys.

Another factor that can affect arousal is your mental health. Anxiety and depression are especially common around the time of menopause and can put a dampener on things. If this is the case for you, speak to your healthcare provider for advice or treatment.

Can you orgasm after menopause?

Orgasm is not an impossible goal and you can still ride those satisfying waves. It might mean you have to experiment, get creative, and even figure out what works by yourself so you can show your partner what gets your rocks off. 

One of the biggest myths around sex is that penetration is the key to satisfying sex. It isn’t. Most need some clitoral stimulation to come and it becomes even more important during menopause.

Did you know that stronger pelvic floor muscles can help you achieve more intense orgasms over time? Who knew there was another upside to preventing leaks? 

To let your body go with the flow, your mind needs to be in a happy state. Communicating with your partner about what feels good and, more importantly, what doesn’t, really helps you focus on the moment without anxiety that they are going to do something that causes pain.

The best sex toys for women

If you are with a partner who has not used sex toys before, reassure them that this is about additional ways to have fun and not whether they’re enough for you. Perhaps you could try shopping for sex toys together so they feel included and know exactly what you’re looking for. We love this Wild Flower Sex article debunking the myth that sex toys are meant to replace your partner.

You might need to try out a few different toys to find something you like. While it can be annoying to invest in products that don’t end up working for you, it’s all about experimentation. Don’t forget to try sex toys at different vibe levels and intensities and try them with lubricant to see if that helps. There are plenty of brands out there proclaiming to create the very best sex toys for women, but everyone’s different – a high-intensity wand vibrator that works for one woman might not be right for you. 

Clitoral stimulator

The center of pleasure in a woman’s body is not the vagina, but the clitoris. If you are new to sex toys or are dealing with vaginal discomfort, try a clitoral stimulator. They’re great if you want to avoid penetration and are easy to introduce into partnered sex, making them one of the best sex toys during menopause.


Coming (excuse the pun) in all shapes and sizes, vibrators come with different strength levels and pulse settings if you want to dial it up or tone it down on sensitive areas. Vibrators for women can be penetrative or intended for clitoral stimulation. We recommend trying something small to start with, like a bullet vibrator or something soft and flat. These can also fit between bodies easily if you’d like to share them with a partner.

Air pressure toys

New to the market, these toys work by rapidly blowing and sucking air onto your clitoris. They’re a little more adventurous but have positive customer reviews, touted as feeling better than oral sex. 

Sex toys for vaginal discomfort

Fluctuating hormones can cause a range of vaginal symptoms. If you want penetration but are experiencing discomfort or painful sex, many options can ease you back into it. Learn more about vaginal discomfort in our symptoms library. 


These sets of dildos vary in width and length so you can slowly and gently re-introduce penetration into your sex life at your own pace and comfort levels. You can get them at pharmacies, shop online or speak to your healthcare provider. 

Penis bumper

These toys are made of squishy, body-safe silicone and fit on the end of your partner’s penis to reduce the depth of penetration you experience without reducing the sensation for them. You can experiment with different levels of depth and some can even vibrate for extra sensation for both you and your partner. 

See what treatments are right for you

Sex toys if you have joint pain

Joint pain during menopause is common as estrogen levels decrease. This is because estrogen has natural anti-inflammatory properties. If joint pain and arthritis make using sex toys difficult or painful, you should know there are many sex toy types that don’t rely on a firm grip and may make sex more comfortable for you.

Larger wand vibrators

Originally designed as body massagers, these toys can be great sex toys for menopause. They have a large vibrating head and a longer body which can be easier to hold and maneuver if you have joint pain in your hands and arms. 

Finger vibrators

Gripping isn’t needed with these sex toys which attach directly to your fingers, a great option when it comes to the best sex toys during menopause.

Suction cup dildos

If your hands hurt, try these for a hands-free option. You can secure them in place on a flat surface, such as bed frames, shower walls, etc. 

Hand-free vibrators

When it comes to the best sex toys during menopause, there are also lots of great external vibrators for women that are hands-free. You can put them down your pants or on your partner and grind away! 

Sex equipment

You might want to buy products that help you to maintain your position with ease and for longer, such as:

  • Sex pillows/wedge – Moisture-proof cushioning to help support positions that get you there. Some even have dildo holders to ease hand pressure.
  • Harnesses and sex swings – You may not have room for them, but they are useful for taking the weight off your joints.

Best lubricants for menopause dryness 

Finding the perfect lubricant to help with menopause dryness is game-changing when it comes to pleasurable and comfortable sex – but where do you start?

First off don’t be tempted by the glittery, highly perfumed varieties – these are likely to include irritants. So too will those promising ‘tingling’ sensations. 

Ingredients that may irritate your vagina include: 

  • Glycerin
  • Parabens
  • Perfumes
  • Glitter 
  • Alcohol

So which lube should you use? Simple is best. Look out for lubes that are hypoallergenic and stay away from those with strong fragrances and the promise of an extra ‘tingle’.

My doctor and I worked it out it was latex and some lubes that triggered my UTIs!


Lubricants and condoms

Unless you are postmenopausal it’s important not to forget about birth control during menopause. If you are using condoms (to prevent pregnancies or STIs) make sure you read the leaflet that comes with your lube to make sure they can be used together. Some lubes, particularly oil-based ones, can damage the condom making it ineffective.

Lubricants and sex toys

If you’re using silicone toys, avoid silicone-based lubricants.

Struggling? Could HT help?

Dr. Lucy Wilkinson, the clinical advisor at Stella, says: “If you are struggling with vaginal dryness, painful sex, tightness, or discomfort, you could potentially find some relief from HT.

These are all symptoms of Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause, also known as vaginal atrophy, which affects the majority of women after menopause. The reduction in estrogen levels at menopause causes tissues around the vagina and genital area to become thinner, drier, and tighter, all of which can make sex difficult and painful no matter how much lube you use.

The good news is that this can be treated effectively with estrogen creams, gels, or vaginal tablets. If you think this might be a good option for you, speak to your doctor.”

Read more about why your vagina may look and feel different and the risks and benefits of HT.

The good news is that this can be treated effectively with oestrogen creams, gels or vaginal tablets. If you think this might be a good option for you, speak to your doctor.

Dr Lucy Wilkinson

Looking after your sex toys

No matter which ones end up being the best sex toys during menopause for you, make sure to clean your toys between use with an appropriate toy cleaner. This includes washing the toy between vaginal and anal use (either direction) or if your partner also uses the toy in their body. Most sex toy shops also sell cleaning products that are designed for toys. 

Final word

Keeping sex enjoyable is completely possible as you age, even with restricted movement or penetration is no longer comfortable. We hope you can find time to experiment and find something that works for you.

Find out more about menopause on our blog or in our symptoms library.

See what treatments are right for you

  • App-based personalised lifestyle plan
  • Supportive coaching to motivate you
  • Medical review & online doctor appointments